They like me. No like seriously they really like me.
This week we have a group of professional teachers here to train us how to do this thing we are trying to do. They have put together really awesome teacher trainings every afternoon full of awesome ideas and tools we can use to further our classrooms. Since I am not a “real” teacher, at least by training, I was super nervous for them to come. I have this very legitimate fear that I am a horrible teacher. I do testing with my children every Friday and nearly every Friday I come to Lala and say, “I’m not doing this right. My kids are not getting the material. I am not a teacher. You got the wrong person. I quit.” She looks at me like I am stupid and reassures me in her ever so blunt way that she thinks I am a good teacher and it is all okay they are getting it. Throughout the weeks she has poked her head in to see my class and is shocked that Ashline can sound out and find vowels in the words all by herself. Or that Tcheventchina is talking in class, or Eccelesiaste is the smartest kid in my kindergarden class. And she uses this to further her point that I must be doing something right. However in my brain I write most of this off as simply my friend trying to make me feel good.
So I was terrified that these real life teachers would come down and declare once and for all that I was right all along. That I suck as a teacher. And though I believed I did, I did not want anyone else to believe it. Because we all want to put on our best. We all want to be good at where our heart is. And my heart is for these kids. I love teaching like I never thought I would.
So today, some of these professional teachers said they wanted to “hide out” in my classroom. Thinking nothing of it since they have been in and out all week, I ushered them in and continued with my lesson. Little did I realize it was a teacher evaluation. I was proud of my kids for their behavior and their ability, at 4 years old, to identify what letter started a variety of words. At the end of the lesson, the real life teachers said they liked me. That I was doing well. Not just kinda well, but really well. Like, good teacher, well. It made my whole heart happy. They ranted and raved about me to Lala and she got this proud look on her face and said “see, I told you so.” And for once I was okay with being a little bit wrong.
And I thought to myself, maybe, just maybe, I can do this.
Thank you teachers, workers and especially Doreen for all your amazing help and work this week. I know the patience and planning it took to prepare and execute. Thank you for loving us, and these kids, that much. Your work is truly appreciated from the bottom of my heart. We love you. I love you. Come back soon.