lost jobs, uncertain futures, and bears- OH MY!

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It has been said that the devil fights hardest against Gods greatest warriors.

I must be doing something right.

It has been said that God does not give us more than we can handle.

I wish God didn’t trust me this much.

Last week I got some pretty scary news- as of May 2012 I will no longer be employed with the federal government. Apparently the budget is so tight they cannot let any student’s transition into special agent positions. This includes me. They said I can stay and work until May but after I graduate, I am out.

What does this mean for Haiti you ask? Good question. It means I have heart burn. A thousand scary thoughts run through my mind concerning employment, student loans, bills, and all the rest. If I was even remotely unconvinced that Haiti is where God is calling me, I would stay in America, secure another job and go to Haiti when it is convenient.

But God has not called me to follow him when it is convenient. He has not called me to mediocrity; to be secure, comfortable or unstretched. He has called me to follow him with a child like faith where I can believe that when I leap, a net will appear. To never look down. I have to trust him more than ever before. I have to trust him to provide a job, cover my bills, fund my Haiti trip and more than all of that- trust he will use me while I am there. Because if I can touch one life, make a difference to one child- than it is all worth it. The fear, anxiety, doubt, trust issues, tears, pain, everything. Everything is worth it. Because God, I pray, is using me to make an eternal difference to one.

Though the storm rages on outside this boat I will get comfortable below the deck on the pillow with Jesus and fall asleep with him- trusting he loves me enough to not let the ocean consume me alive.

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