Leaps of faith. I have heard this phrase repeated from the pulpit nearly weekly since I can remember. It is a phrase engrained in nearly every believer. We talk about ‘leaps of faith’ in believing in God’s existence. ‘Leaps of faith’ in taking the Bible at its word. ‘Leaps of faith’ in accepting Jesus and ‘leaps of faith’ in following what we deem to be “His will.”
I would assume nearly every believer has at one point had to make a leap of faith. Maybe in rededicating your life to Christ or in following him the first time or taking a leap when you began tithing that 10% of your income when you were sure you needed that money to pay bills. There are many instances where Believers are called to make “leaps of faith.” I can safely say this trip to Haiti is one of my leaps of faith.
See, I have planned for a very long time to get to a place where I could make it into the federal government as a Special Agent. I have been working towards this goal for quite some time as this dream did not catch me on a whim. It was breed in my desire to help victims of crime and abuse. Specifically children. But let me tell you getting a career as a Federal Agent is not easy. They do not just hand these positions away willy nilly. I worked hard in college to not only receive my degree in criminal justice but to set myself apart from the pack in doing internships, participating in stings and taking extra-curricular classes to boost my resume. While I was an intern for the US Marshals in Springfield I won over an agent who told me of a possibility for me to nab an position that could lead to a career as a federal agent. It was an amazing turn of events. He contacted his old boss from another agency who came down to meet with me. The boss told me he did not have any positions available now but I could do an internship if I got my Masters degree. So I signed up for classes, moved 3 hours away and began working as an intern for the Office of Inspector General. I was told when I finish my masters degree I could be transitioned into a Special Agent position.
Now that is a lot of background information that does not sound like a leap of faith but here it is. Going to Haiti for these 10 months threatens my job. My boss is retiring and since I will be in Haiti when the new Special Agent in Charge comes into power he has the option of not letting me transfer into the SA position. For me, it is scary knowing I am gambling my job. I am a control freak, I dislike betting on things that are not for sure. Especially when I know I have student loans to pay off. Oh did I mention with the government reigning in the budget our organization has been tossing ideas of lay-offs and furlough around? Yeah.
So I have to think about it differently. Not that I am betting on whether or not I will have a job when I return but betting on whether or not God could use me even if I did not. Which I know is a sure bet. Yes, knowing I have loans to pay off and bills to pay monthly scares the pants off of me but I believe that even if I did come back only to find out I no longer have a job, that I would still be partnering with God in this trek and somehow we would figure it out. I have always had this attitude that if I walk God will show me where to go. Either opening or closing doors along the way to guide me on my journey. If I pay close enough attention I can figure out when is time to fight for an opportunity and when God is telling me to back off.
So far I have seen pieces to this Haiti puzzle fall into place easier than I imagined. I have met little resistance with open doors nearly all the way. To me this says that God wants me to do this. It does not mean my job will be there when I get back necessarily but if God gives me the green light on this who I am to stop and question what the future holds?