Head in the clouds brought down hard by reality. As I read what other teams have written while in Haiti my heart continues to break. Life cycles on for me, and them, but somehow it is not right. The ‘why?’ questions never came to me. I did not ask ‘why do You let this devastation happen God?’ No, I am not such a great Christian that I am above asking those questions, but somehow reality was there and why never seemed to come up. It was ‘what can I do?’ I hear the teams talk about those same kids I saw and held and touched and something inside of me screams, HEY WAIT, those are my haitians. For the kids sake, I am glad more teams stream through. But I do not want to be just some random face that was there once. No. I want to be somebody they remember. Someone they can rely on.
So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?
To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can’t
Don’t want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up
I’ll show them I’m willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, ’cause I can’t do this alone
I think of that little girl on the last day. I was serving food and I saw this little girl, nearly naked, standing quietly at my feet. Small little thing she was, so innocent. I did not think much about the act, I just swopped her up in one arm and she latched on, not wanting to let go. I quietly but quickly was able to serve food with one hand and hold her with the other. I held her for a long time. Then just as easily as I picked her up, I set her down. She did not struggle or fight it. She felt me pull away a little bit and boom she let go. I cannot let go that easily. I wanna swoop her back. I wanna go back.